Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this beer tastes like vomit already
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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