Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
