apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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