i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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