if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Who died my cat blue again?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
