I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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