it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
