When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
