So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
