The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
