he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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