was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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