I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
