It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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