I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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