the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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