i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
