I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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