have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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