Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
