Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
