spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
