The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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