omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
