i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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