chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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