The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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