hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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