accomplished twins. life is a go
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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