I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize