Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
