there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
