Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
