your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
