Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
