Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
