took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just found puke in my bra..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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