his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I touched a dick in church today
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