You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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