remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
