Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
