Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
