do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
