I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
