hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
