I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
