my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
