don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
