he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
