remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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