Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
