I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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