i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need moral support for this bender
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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