They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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