i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize