Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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