Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
