Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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