I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
