i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
