She's JV to your varsity
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
