like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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