Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize