Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
