I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
