I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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