I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
