A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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