My hand turned me down
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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