not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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