Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't deserve a penis
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
