Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
