So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
