worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
two words: eviction party
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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