ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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