Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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